A good start

Hi everyone,
This isn't my first blog ever, so there's no need for introductions. I don't know if people will find this one day or anything but I don't care because I'm really typing for myself. The fact is that I am a college sophomore as of now and I am in what feels like the most difficult stage of my life. I dread every day living. I am constantly bored when I'm not in class, and when I am in class, I'm mostly lost. I'm not a good student. I'm always one step behind or only 'kind of' getting the material. After my classes are over for the day, I struggle through trying to concentrate enough to do homework or study. I have a midterm on Thursday, which is the day after tomorrow. I should be studying for it, especially since I know it's going to be long and difficult. But I can hardly read the book without blanking out. Am I really dumb or something? I guess so. When I'm not trying to study or do homework, I'm a mess. I have literally no friends. I have no one I can talk to. My only chance of being good friends with someone was taken away when she decided to transfer to USC. Now I have no one here. I eat most meals alone. Only some dinners I can eat with people I know kind of and pretend like I'm normal. Even though everyone sees right through it. And I have a boyfriend. My own boyfriend doesn't even like talking to me. I tried to talk to him earlier today even and he didn't accept it. He just shied away from me. Also, we're in a long-distance relationship. I only see him on weekends, and as of now, only on Saturday nights basically. Because he has a job now to worry about. He has a life. And one day he will leave me for it. I have nothing to worry about. I have nothing. I don't know who I am. Ever since I was like 14 or something, I have never had an identity or a clue about who I am. I don't know what I'm doing. Sometimes I just want to go away and never come back because it's pointless to live how I'm living. I never know what to do. I don't see any point anymore, I have nothing to live for. I really don't. No one listens to me. No one on the face of this earth will ever listen