Shit hitting the fan

Man.
I don't know anymore what to do with myself. Did I ever know? This seems to be a theme. How does one find self-fulfillment? I don't fucking know.

Don't know what I'm doing anymore

I don't know what I'm doing anymore with my every day life. Something needs to change, I need to get out of this rut. What am I to do with all this loneliness? What am I to do with all this restlessness? I feel like I'm going to blow sooner or later. I'm so done with school. I'm so done with the people I know. No one gives a shit. I can't make any friends and I haven't been able to for a very, very long time. I'm just waiting for change. I want to go somewhere far away and never come back. I don't know how I'm going to sleep tonight. I've never been so alone in my life. What a wretched, crushing feeling.

The day I realized the truth

Everything I thought you were is turning out to be a lie. I don't understand you at all. How could I have been so dumb to believe the words coming out of your mouth during those times we spent together? I now know who you truly are, and I hate it, and I will never again give you the time of day. I don't care about you at all anymore. I hope one day you will choke on your lies and your irresponsibility and your carelessness. I have lost all respect I had for you. Goodbye forever. You are never getting into my heart. You don't deserve it. You're less than human to me.

sad

I'm sad again today. I don't feel good again. Today wasn't so good. I have this underlying sadness and discontentment in me it seems, always. It never goes away. I've been in my room since 6 and it's almost 11 now. I never talk to my boyfriend anymore. I don't know if I want him anymore. He has this friend named Elise. I don't like her, but he's infatuated with her. I don't want to be with someone who is infatuated with someone else. They talk over twitter. I don't like it. I don't know if it's worth it anymore to be with him. We have so many problems and I'm hardly ever happy. But even without him I would probably still be unhappy. Because I don't know what to do with my life. I don't know what I'm doing and every day is a struggle usually. I have no one to talk to. I feel very, very alone

How long must I wait

Until this shithole of a life gets better. Until I know what the hell I'm doing. How much longer, because sometimes it's just about unbearable to wait. Fuck. I am a disaster. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing.

What is

wrong with my life and my relationships.

I am fuming and I am so disappointed

Here I am again

Another tough day.
I am the most boring person on the face of this earth.

残ねんね。Someday I might be happier. But I don't know how